Child Witnesses to Domestic
Violence - Common Questions
How many children witness the abuse of their mothers?
Studies show that between 3 - 4 million children between the ages of
3 and 17 are at risk of exposure to domestic violence each year. U.S.
government statistics say that 95% of domestic violence cases involve
women victims of male partners. One study found that 87% of mothers reported
that their children "knew about" the abuse. Experts
estimate that number to be even higher. "Witnessing" can mean SEEING
actual incidents of physical and/or sexual abuse; HEARING threats or fighting
noises (as from another room); OBSERVING the aftermath of physical abuse
such as blood, bruises, tears, torn clothes or broken glass; or having an
AWARENESS of tension in the house, such as their mothers' display of fear
when she hears the abuser's car pull into the driveway.
How are children affected by witnessing the abuse of their mothers?
Witnessing the abuse of the adult they are most dependent on and love dearly, especially
when it is perpetrated by the other adult on whom they are dependent and love, is
a terrifying and confusing experience, particularly for very young children. The emotional
responses that children have include: fear, guilt, sleep disturbances, sadness, depression, and anger (at both the abuser for the
violence and at the mother for not being able to stop it). Physical responses include: stomach
and/or headaches; bedwetting; and loss of ability to concentrate. Behavioral responses
include: resistance to going to bed, to school or to leaving the mother; hiding or running
away; delayed development of speech, motor and/or cognitive skills; increased aggression
with peers or mother; becoming withdrawn; or self-injuring.
How are the effects of witnessing domestic violence different than those of
child abuse?
Many of the above responses will also be seen in children who are themselves
victims of child abuse. In fact, various studies have shown that there is
a strong correlation between woman abuse and child abuse, finding an overlap
of 50 - 70% of both issues. One traumatic response that tends to be specific
to child witnesses is extreme worry about their mothers and separation anxiety
from them. It is important to recognize that this fear is a reaction to the
reality of knowing that their mothers' lives and well-being are constantly
under threat, rather than a symptom of some "emotional problem."
What are the long term effects on children of witnessing domestic violence?
Children who grow up observing their mothers being abused, especially by
their fathers, grow up with a role model of intimate relationships in which
one person uses intimidation and violence over the other person to get their
way. Because children have a natural tendency to identify with strength,
they may grow to ally themselves with the abuser and to lose respect for
their seemingly helpless and weakened mother. Abusers typically play into
this by putting the mother down in front of her children, telling them that
their mother is "crazy" or "stupid" and that they don't
have to listen to her. It is no surprise that studies show an increased use
of aggression and violence in children who witness it in their homes. Many
studies concur that boys in particular who witness the abuse of their mothers
are at greatly increased risk of using violence against their partners in
teen and adult relationships.
How can I help a child who is witnessing domestic violence?
The best way to insure the safety of children is to insure the safety of their mother. If
you suspect that a child is being exposed to domestic violence, try to talk to the mother,
ALONE. Express concern for her AND her children. Offer her the number of SafeLink the Massachusetts statewide domestic violence hotline 1-877-785-2020 (toll-free).
The Safelink hotline is operated by Casa Myrna Vazquez, Inc. in Boston and is answered by trained advocates 24 hours a day in English, Spanish and TTY (1-877-521-2601). It also has the capacity to provide multilingual translation in more than 140 languages.
Remember that the responsibility for the abuse, including the effects on the children, is entirely the abuser's!
This fact sheet developed by Diane Purvin, Children's Services Coordinator,
for RESPOND, Inc. of Somerville, MA, April 1996.
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