Talking about Domestic Violence: the Challenge for Supervisors

Supervisors face one of the most challenging aspects of domestic violence as a workplace issue: what to say to an employee who the supervisor believes is being abused, and how to say it in a way that is respectful of her privacy. Unless the employee tells her supervisor about the abuse, a supervisor should not make direct inquires about known or suspected abuse, as this may deprive the employee of her privacy about personal matters.

However, you can create a working environment where employees feel safe talking about the problems they face in their personal lives. You can educate employees about domestic violence, and display posters, safety cards and other materials condemning domestic violence. Additionally, supervisors should address performance-related issues that may arise due to domestic violence, and in doing so can make appropriate referrals to services that may assist the employee. Know what resources your company offers to assist employees in domestic violence situations (e.g. EAP, Human Resources Dept). Be aware of the gender dynamics of a woman talking to a male supervisor.

"I think one of my employees may be experiencing domestic violence… What should I do?"

If your employee has unexplained bruises, or explanations that just don't add up, if she is distracted, has trouble concentrating, misses work often, or receives repeated, upsetting telephone calls during the day, she may be in an abusive relationship. She may appear anxious, upset or depressed. The quality of her work may fluctuate for no apparent reason. Or she might have a high absenteeism rate, due to frequent medical problems and/or fears about leaving children at home alone with the abuser.

You might feel awkward discussing domestic violence with an employee or co-worker. This is a natural reaction. Also don't put her on the spot if she's not ready to talk. But you can let her know that you support her.

If the employee does approach you and disclose that she is an abusive situation, here are some simple, supportive messages that you can tell her:

• I am concerned for your safety.
• It will only get worse over time.
• I am here for you when you need help.
• You don't deserve to be abused.
• There are resources in the company/organization and in the community that can help you.

While your role is not to be a counselor, you can refer her to in-house counseling services and local domestic violence agencies that can help her. Help her make a safety plan, both for the workplace and for home. At work, she may want to:

• park close to the entrance of her building, and talk with security, the police, or a manger if she fears an assault at work.
• have her calls screened, transfer harassing calls to security, or remove her name and number from automated phone directories.
• think about flexible or alternate work hours.
• relocate her work space to a more secure area.
• refrain from publicly displaying her name or publicly distributing a document with her name on it.

She should have a safety plan for home as well. This could include:

• hiding a spare set of keys, some money and extra clothes in case of emergency, and collecting important papers for both her and her children. She can also collect any evidence of her partner's assets (such as paycheck stubs) if she plans to seek alimony or child support.
• calling her National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799 SAFE for referrals to local domestic violence programs that can help.

"What if my employee does not tell me about the abuse?"

If you believe that your employee is facing abuse in her personal life, but she does not disclose this to you, you must respect her privacy. If there are performance issues that result from the abuse, such as reduced productivity or excessive absences, you may offer help to her by focusing on the performance problems in an empathetic and understanding manner, and refer her to appropriate company and community resources.

Respect the employee's boundaries and privacy, even if you disagree with the decisions she is making regarding the relationship. A survivor of domestic violence may make numerous attempts to leave the abusive relationship, but it is often difficult because of financial and childcare responsibilities or threats of violence. Be patient and understanding.

Regardless of her decisions or actions, respect confidentiality in all your discussions with her.

Adapted from The National Workplace Resource Center On Domestic Violence, A Project of the Family Violence Prevention Fund.